Self-Care in Lockdown
Two weeks ago life changed dramatically. Restrictions were put in place meaning we have to stay home, schools are shut and we can only go out for food shopping or daily exercise with no certainty of when things will change. How do we handle such a strange time? Physical health is the reason for this situation; we are doing the very important job of stopping the spread of coronavirus, simply by staying home. It doesn’t sound that hard put like that but if you are in the same situation you’ll know that this is something that is difficult to get a handle on. I would also say this is a time when self-care is crucial. A term which often feels like it’s banded around as a luxury is indeed essential. Self-care looks different to everyone. I feel now is the time to tap into what helps you to look after you. You deserve and need it. However, it’s also crucial for the whole of society right now; you can’t be helpful to others if your mental health is in tatters.
For me, I have been in a kind of panic. How will I educate my children? How will we keep up with the high demands placed on us by their schools? Is my mum, dad, sister, brother, father-in-law, friends, neighbours, the lady I see walking alone past my house each day ok? How will my kids cope? Do they realise they might not be going back to school this academic year? Will they be able to maintain friendships? How will we be able to celebrate my youngest child’s 10th birthday this month? Is my husband able to cope with the demands of his job? What are we going to eat? Will we run out of food? Is it safe to go to the supermarket? Etc, etc, etc. Your mind may be doing something similar. I didn’t really think about this paragraph before typing so it became a kind of stream of consciousness and one thing that is clear is I am worrying about everyone, everyone except myself!
Two weeks in now and I have checked in with most of the people I know, we do have food in our cupboards, fridge and freezer. My kids seem settled. It’s time for some radical self-care! So yesterday, I worked (I actually find this very settling because for me it hasn’t actually changed that much) and I was then available for my kids if they needed anything, they didn’t so I gardened. I resisted the urge to find things for my kids to do. Social media is awash with online classes, ideas and activities. I’ve been truly inspired by how people have stepped up to provide these kind of services and people’s genuine desire to help others. For some of you this may be really valuable but my kids genuinely don’t need or want this right now so I am, pretty much, leaving them to their own devices this week (and maybe next, who knows). I am lucky they have each other and they are enjoying all this unstructured time and finding plenty to do. I am lucky I can let them; I can be at home and allow them to follow their interests. I believe they are also practicing radical self-care. Play is a way to process the world, something they need to do right now and they are truly immersed in play for much of the day (it worries me that this feels like a luxury they haven’t had enough of in their childhood). They aren’t choosing to go outside much; I’m currently letting them make that choice. I am trusting that they know what is best for them right now as I try to navigate what’s best for me.
So today there are plenty of things I could do: maybe start daily yoga, finish craft projects or declutter my wardrobe. There are plenty of things I might feel I should do like clean the house or try out a new recipe but although these things might appeal to others they don’t appeal to me. It’s not necessarily a time for productivity unless that makes your heart sing. It’s a time to genuinely be kind to yourself to do what helps and let the rest fall by the wayside. Maybe it’s a time when we will actually reinvent life, relationships with others and the world. I have a hope that this is the case but we don’t know. No one has been in this situation before, no one knows what is best for you but deep down you know what feels right and what nourishes your soul. I choose kindness and gentleness towards myself right now, I hope you can too x
Just to add, I realise I’ve written this from a place of privilege. I know I am in a bubble in my safe suburban home. I feel guilty that I am not better able to cope because I am not working in a hospital or a shop, I’m not a police officer or a carer and yet I find this situation incredibly hard. My gratitude goes out to key workers and my thoughts are with those who have a lot less than me. I have wondered whether I will actually publish this? Does my privilege undermine what I am saying? However, I have decided to share my thoughts. Feelings are valid whoever has them and none of us are truly feeling great right now.
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