Walking Through Treacle

Sarah Allen • October 1, 2024

My shoulders ache; my body is tired. The smallest of tasks feel mammoth. My body craves rest but my mind has different ideas. It wants me to think, work out what to do, problem-solve and worry. I fight to quieten it but the truth is I haven't enough energy. I haven't even enough energy to put on a load of washing in the machine but my kids need clean school shirts. I haven't enough energy to make packed lunches but my kids need to eat. I check what homework they have got, lay the table for dinner, load the dishwasher, make sure the guinea-pigs are fed. My husband, thankfully, makes dinner otherwise I don't know how we would eat. The entire day is like walking through treacle. I cry in sheer exhaustion. The bare minimum is too much. Then I repeat this day after day, year after year. This is surviving, getting through each moment, each day, each year until many have passed and I can no longer remember how living truly feels.

How it felt to have cancer-related fatigue and cancer-related PTSD.

Thankfully, I don't have many days like this any more, though I can have a run of them during times of stress, when menstruating and after socialising (I'm still not used to it and find it very tiring). The cancer-related fatigue has gone but my energy levels are still a lot lower than they were before my cancer diagnosis and I'm impacted by PTSD on an, almost, daily basis. This has lessened and is becoming more manageable but is triggered by stress and tiredness. You can see the cycle I can get trapped in here.

I'm sharing this during Breast Cancer Awareness Month to raise awareness of the long-term impacts of being someone who has had cancer. Also, please check your breasts /chest. It's tough living with the impacts, mostly mental and emotional now, of cancer but I'm, of course, very grateful to be here. Early detection of cancer means outcomes are likely to be better. I found my breast cancer by chance whilst washing. Don't leave it to chance, check today and make it a monthly routine.

Thank you to my fabulous members on Patreonwho support my work.

Christmas Countdown without the Consumerism

By Sarah Allen • December 18, 2025
Reusing decorations, enjoying the season and creating less waste.

As the Wheel Turns

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Autumn and the Beauty of Letting Go

Vitamin Sea and Autumn Cosiness

By Sarah Allen • October 6, 2025
Reciprocity between me and the sea and some warming autumn drinks.

Slow September Activities

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Counterbalancing the hectic start of term with some spaciousness

Community Hub tackling Climate Change

By Sarah Allen • July 16, 2025
2nd May 2027

Beavers Return

By Sarah Allen • June 20, 2025
Are there really beavers living close to where I live?

Living in a car-free locality

By Sarah Allen • September 6, 2024
In a world of car-dominating towns and cities, what happens if people, plants and animals are put first?

A Sister Circle for Beltane

By Sarah Allen • May 6, 2024
Walking in it's strange to be in a primary school, a once familiar setting now so alien. I turn right, enter the hall and it's a primary school no more. A beautiful alter creates a a focal point in the centre of the room, the space is ready for the start of a sister circle for Beltane (also now known as May Day). I'm greeted by Anna, who I met at the Imbolc circle she facilitated, and asked if I want to be smudged to which I answer yes. I have somewhere along this journey towards an authentic life become able to embrace what I would have found uncomfortable before. I unpack my bag. Firstly, taking out and unrolling my yoga mat (my daughter's yoga mat as yoga is not something I do), place my journal and pen next to me and sit crossed-legged on my mat with my blanket covering my feet. Anna goes around the circle, with the invitation for people to pick a card, I guess it's a set of oracle cards. By mistake I take three instead of one! Embracing Change, The Power of Support and Grace. So apt.

Sand Everywhere!

By Sarah Allen • April 30, 2024
I'm eating it, crunching it between my teeth. It's on my coffee cup, it's in my hair and my eyes. My phone has a sprinkle of it's grittiness and so has my coat! It's covering the road and is continuing to swirl across from the beach, Coating my camper van, no doubt! The beach has been flattened. It looks smooth and new. Footprints covered as soon as they are made. A few brave walkers head into the wind, hoods up and heads bowed, Walking with determination. Nature is powerful and strong in all her wildness.

Rewilding Our Gardens

By Sarah Allen • April 26, 2024
I'm going to share a little about my garden, in case you are interested and so you might be able to support me in rewilding it and making it more nature friendly. The back garden is mostly lawn. We need to keep it that way as half of it is used for the guinea-pig run, rotating it every few days. This half has currently got lots of lesser celandine, which are good for pollinators. The plant mostly dies off by the time its warm enough for the guinea-pigs to be outside. I have to pull up any remaining plants and anything else that is toxic for them to eat. The other half is wilder and left uncut. A greater variety of plants grow including daisies and ragwort. We keep it as lawn so a tent can be put up for the kids. I also like to put a blanket down and sit on it (once it's drier). Around the edges of the lawn is left fairly wild but we also grow strawberries. The strawberry patch was used by hedgehogs last year to forage for invertebrates, I should think because it was unweeded it provided a lot more for them. Though, I may have to weed it a bit this year to allow the strawberry plants to grow. The front garden was block paved by previous owners. I've got pots growing food and some with flowers. I'd like to increase the amount of food I grow in this area. I use the front garden for this as it has lots of sunshine. I'd also like to increase the plants for pollinators and have bees and butterflies constantly flying from flower to flower. That's me, how about you? What's your garden like? Extract from the Changemaker membership which I run from my Patreon page (there's also a private FB group). We are starting our new focus: Rewilding our gardens and incorporating rest as we move into the, often, busier seasons of spring and summer. It's a form of gentle activism within a supportive community and you're invited! Join for 7 days (it's free!), a month, all spring or more. Any questions? Just ask.
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