Why is it okay to make assumptions online?

Sarah Allen • March 14, 2018

Answer: It's not!

What has happened in our online world where we feel it is ok to judge, make assumptions and sometimes be down-right rude to each other? The moral code we follow in our off-line world seems to be forgotten as we quickly respond and send! It seems, to me, to be the modern version of road rage! In a car we might swear and interact aggressively with some one who cuts in front of us but if someone bumped into us in the street the most likely response would be to apologise (even if the other person bumped into us!). The security of the car around us can stop us connecting with the other road users and the same goes to interacting online. When you reply to a stranger, you see their name and their profile picture but do you see that they are a fellow human-being?

So why am I writing this? You've guessed it I have been subjected to people making and expressing certain assumptions about me. And lets be honest here, it's not nice! I'm not traumatised, it's not ruined my day however there is a little niggle there! I said to a friend yesterday, that it didn't bother me that it was "Water off a ducks back!", so why am i still thinking about it today?

Those of you who follow my work, will know I am passionate about reducing the amount of rubbish I throw away and trying to elliminate unnecessary plastic from my life. This doesn't seem like too much of a controversial idea and in the main it isn't. However, for a few people, this is a problem to them. This is completely fair enough, I am not asking you to agree with me, I am simply sharing what I do. Don't get me wrong, it's lovely when people do support me, I have had so many positive comments online. People have encouraged me and many tell me they have changed some of the things they do as a result of what I am sharing. This is amazing, I truly do want the planet to be a better place for all living things, including humans. I am not writing for this approval but when I get it, I'm not going to lie, it feels great!

Then there are those 'other' comments. I was going to say I feel lucky that I don't get them very often. But is 'lucky' the right word? I don't feel lucky that I didn't have to deal with unkind comments on the school run this morning, I would say my expectation was for, at least, civil interactions! I am also 'lucky' that comments haven't been too personal in their attack, unlike other comments I've seen online. For example, a woman was told online that she looks like an old hag (she was in her thirties, not that it is okay to say to someone older!) and she should dye her greying hair. Would you say that to someone in the queue in Tesco? So, in my 'luckiness' or most likely my lack of exposure online my looks have not been attacked but people have made assumptions and voiced them. These are some recent comments (all linked to my concern about non-recyclable or unnecessary plastic):

"If you have enough time to collect plastic for a month, you could do something constructive, collect for charity or help someone"

"Read Tesco's sustainability policy and educate yourself with facts instead of being just another plastic bandwagon jumper!!"

"So much time so little to do"

"I think you are quite misinformed about the recycling process and how it works"

"Just shows how much you clearly don't care about the environment... You are just one of the many people who are merely jumping on the bandwagon".

"You are saying you buy this for convenience."

Not the worse comments I've ever heard but complete strangers feel it's ok to assume I do nothing worthwhile in my time, I do no charity work, I don't help people, I have not educated myself with the facts, I don't care about the environment, I am jumping on a 'bandwagon' and I buy products for convenience without thinking about the impact of that purchase. I have never had a stranger say this to me face, so why say it online?

This is not a serious issue for me but it will make me think carefully about sharing posts. I already have self-edited and avoided certain FB groups or pages. This, in a way, is fair enough if you write you do need to think about the audience but should people's assumptions really silence others?

I know for most writers it is a scary business pressing 'publish' on a blog post. As a human you are sharing a piece of you, its a creative process, it might say something about you personally and you have invested time and energy into it. I started writing about 18 months ago after being a runner-up in a competition. The judges believed in me so I started to believe in myself. It's been amazing, I've loved the creative outlet, I love how it gives me clarity of thought, me-time, a chance to be in a 'flow' activity, a chance to interact, to learn from others and grow as a person, as an environmentalist (I guess that's what I am if I care about the environment) and as a parent (another topic I write about). Step by step I have grown in confidence and publicised my work more but now I feel the need to be more careful, to consider if I can handle the assumptions before I hit publish (which is what I will be doing with this piece; maybe this will end up as a personal reflection rather than a public blog post). I think this isn't uncommon, with all creative work there has been critics but it's a recent phenomenom that everone can be a critic easily using their devices and hitting send. Feel free to have an opinion about what I am saying, I welcome that, a healthy discussion can help us all grow. However, if you wouldn't come up to me in the street and say it or if it's based on your assumptions about me perhaps you should think twice before you hit the send button.

I don't feel I have to address the assumptions above. I don't have to justify myself. However, I just wanted to mention the woman with the greying hair. She isn't dyeing it because she has a life-limiting condition and she and her husband want to feel like they are growing old together. So, how about thinking before you press 'post' or, you know, it is possible to just scroll past!

Have you had any experience of being affected by people's assumptions online, I'd love to hear about it in the comments.
A little disclaimer: This is in no way directed at my lovely Rhubarb and Runner Beans followers, you are awesome, polite, supportive and inspirational. All the assumptions I have shared came from posting on other Facebook pages.

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What can we Learn from the Autumn Equinox?

By Sarah Allen • September 23, 2026

What can we learn from the autumn equinox? Well, for me, it's all about a pause and some balance. As the Earth pauses in this moment of neither more or less light, I find it nourishing to take a moment too. Life will want to keep propelling you forward - or, I should say, the capitalist society. But there's a benefit in the pause, to stop the momentum, to stop the always doing and to reflect a little (or a lot). So, I took some moments today to sit in the early morning light, when the sun was not fully out but it wasn't dark, to do nothing other than sit (and drink coffee). Later on in the day, I dusted off my journal and took a moment to reflect on what I'd achieved, especially in relation to the intentions I set in motion in February, at Imbolc. Some I'd forgotten, others I'd chosen to let go, others I'd achieved. They weren't fully measurable, a life goal or something on a bucket list; just simple intentions like being creative and making decisions based on keeping my nervous system soothed. Writing this down, I found, to be positive. It's easy for me to think I've done nothing, life is still the same as it was but this isn't true. Once again, life has thrown big challenges my way. Things have not all been as I hoped but I'm not in the same place as I was. I wrote down what I am thankful for. Gratitude is often mentioned as a great well-being tool but I mention it with caution ⚠ as, for me, it has sometimes been a trigger to stress and anxiety around what high stakes things (and people) I could lose. Finally, I journaled around what I wanted to cut back. Then I literally went into the garden and cut back the dead wood thinking, to start with of what I wanted to metaphorically let go of, until it become a mindful task of just pruning and being with nature. It was not without it's difficulties, as I got caught in the brambles and also had to decide how much and how far to go. I left plenty of dead wood in the garden, the insects will need it to overwinter. There's only so much pruning you can, or maybe, should do. Some of the dead wood must remain to be composted later. I focused on what was most beneficial to cut back on, what would give the most room for new growth. Though, it now leaves bare patches, once spring comes round it provides room for growth. I also had to trim back some of the new growth that was damaging fences. We are led to believe that growth is the aim, at any cost, which of course is destabilising our planet both the climate and the delicate balance of the web of life . If the collective human species were to pause and focus on balance we could create a very different, regenerative way of being in the world. I invite you to try it and see how it changes things.

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Eco-Friendly Valentine's Day

By Sarah Allen • January 21, 2026

Showing someone you love them shouldn’t cost the Earth! If you want to give traditional cards and gifts, how about considering some of these more sustainable ideas? 1. Valentine’s Card Probably the easiest tip is to make sure the card you buy does not come packaged in plastic film. Shop around if you need to but think about the packaging as well as the sentiment when choosing your card. I have the perfect option to show love both to your special person and our precious planet with my new 'Love Me, Love Our Planet' card . Shipped in sustainable, eco-friendly paper packaging which is rip-proof and splash-proof and designed with the environment in mind. Alternatively, of course, you could make your own card. This is a great option for ensuring the card is more personal and especially good for the environment if you use materials you already have at home.