Finding my sisterhood and pushing myself out of my comfort zone.

Sarah Allen • June 30, 2018

Since moving to Devon 16 years ago I have made lots of amazing friends. People I trust and can rely on, friends I can discuss anything with, who I can ask for help and support in return. Friends whose interactions are entwined in my everyday life and friends that I see less often. In addition to that I have my 'old' friends that I went to school with, who know my family and were an integral part of my childhood and my teenage years. I laugh with, cry with and get through the daily drudgery with these women, I am truly blessed.

So do I really need more? I'm starting to think 'Maybe!'. None of my friends are pursuing creative outlets as the main component of their lives or identity. They are contributing in so many diverse ways; I know teachers, mothers, police officers, NHS staff, business owners, carers and more. However, I do not know any fellow writers (though I do belong to some fabulous Facebook groups). I started writing nearly 2 years ago now and it has become something very important to me for so many different reasons. I am still a mother, a teacher, a friend, a wife, a daughter and a sister but sometimes (just sometimes) I am trying to identify myself as a writer (gulp, that's even hard to write!). So when a Mother's Who Make event appeared in my Facebook news feed recently I was intrigued. When the event information said it was for all mothers and makers including writers I dared to think it was for me!

So a month ago I decided to attend the first meeting. It was the half-term holiday so my children came along with me. We stayed for the start but then left part way through; we had plans to shop and eat lunch out so that was in the forefront of my children's minds! I said goodbye and missed the rest of the meeting, with the intention of attending next time.

The day of the next meeting came round and on waking the event quickly popped into the front of my mind. I was excited but scared, I wouldn't have my children to hide behind this time! I could think of numerous reasons not to go: it's sunny I should be outside appreciating the weather instead of inside in a stuffy room (the room wasn't stuffy by the way!), I'm tired; Is it worth the money? (train fare plus donation for the running of the group; it was worth this!); Can I bear to come home later to such a messy house? I tried not to listen very carefully to these thoughts and forced myself there.

I'm glad I did. I met a range of different makers all pulled together by their joint desire to create and their association with motherhood. I'm currently reading Moon Circle in which Lucy AitkenRead writes about the power of women sitting in sacred circles she says it doesn't really matter what you say, it's the shared experience that's important. She writes "Why circle in together? We sit to be heard. To speak without being judged. To share our stories without having to make an articulate point". The meeting had some similarities with the idea of moon circles and I held Lucy's words in my mind as we sat in a circle and it was my turn to introduce myself. I quickly said I write a blog, but have also written a magazine article and was relieved to stop talking and give the woman to my left chance to speak. I tried not to beat myself up for not sounding more clever or promoting myself more. I was in a room full of mothers but failed to mention I write about parenthood!!

After the introductions were complete we split into groups of three and spent 10 minutes each talking (scary!!). Again I tried to remember this is about supporting, not a polished presentation! Wow, what amazing women I got chance to speak to. One was a singer/songwriter the other a dancer. We had many common problems and dreams. We listened but we didn't necessarily have answers. It wasn't at all scary.

We ended the meeting by passing around a talking object and reflecting on what had been said. Everyone gained different things, all equally valuable. I felt inspired, wowed and supported by women I hadn't previously met. There's something pretty incredible about this experience that I'm struggling to find words to describe. "Call yourself a writer!?" comes to the front of my mind and I try to push it gently away and instead think I am a writer!

So have I found my sisterhood? In a way I already had one to support me, my children and my family but this event provided a sisterhood based on a shared experience of creating and mothering which is something new and exciting for me. In one short morning it felt like I belonged that I was part of a very special community.

Would you be interested in meetings like this?
Mothers Who Make is an national organisation, they have a Facebook group and run events like this in various venues throughout the country.

The E xeter Mothers Who Make Hub meets on the last Thursday morning of each month at Exeter Phoenix.

I'm passionate about writing and would like to carve out more time to write blog posts, if you have liked what you have read and would be interested in shouting me a coffee or get more involved in shaping my work you might want to consider becoming a Rhubarb and Runner Beans Patron.

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My shoulders ache; my body is tired. The smallest of tasks feel mammoth. My body craves rest but my mind has different ideas. It wants me to think, work out what to do, problem-solve and worry. I fight to quieten it but the truth is I haven't enough energy. I haven't even enough energy to put on a load of washing in the machine but my kids need clean school shirts. I haven't enough energy to make packed lunches but my kids need to eat. I check what homework they have got, lay the table for dinner, load the dishwasher, make sure the guinea-pigs are fed. My husband, thankfully, makes dinner otherwise I don't know how we would eat. The entire day is like walking through treacle. I cry in sheer exhaustion. The bare minimum is too much. Then I repeat this day after day, year after year. This is surviving, getting through each moment, each day, each year until many have passed and I can no longer remember how living truly feels. How it felt to have cancer-related fatigue and cancer-related PTSD. Thankfully, I don't have many days like this any more, though I can have a run of them during times of stress, when menstruating and after socialising (I'm still not used to it and find it very tiring). The cancer-related fatigue has gone but my energy levels are still a lot lower than they were before my cancer diagnosis and I'm impacted by PTSD on an, almost, daily basis. This has lessened and is becoming more manageable but is triggered by stress and tiredness. You can see the cycle I can get trapped in here. I'm sharing this during Breast Cancer Awareness Month to raise awareness of the long-term impacts of being someone who has had cancer. Also, please check your breasts /chest. It's tough living with the impacts, mostly mental and emotional now, of cancer but I'm, of course, very grateful to be here. Early detection of cancer means outcomes are likely to be better. I found my breast cancer by chance whilst washing . Don't leave it to chance, check today and make it a monthly routine.

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Sand Everywhere!

By Sarah Allen • April 30, 2024

I'm eating it, crunching it between my teeth. It's on my coffee cup, it's in my hair and my eyes. My phone has a sprinkle of it's grittiness and so has my coat! It's covering the road and is continuing to swirl across from the beach, Coating my camper van, no doubt! The beach has been flattened. It looks smooth and new. Footprints covered as soon as they are made. A few brave walkers head into the wind, hoods up and heads bowed, Walking with determination. Nature is powerful and strong in all her wildness.

Rewilding Our Gardens

By Sarah Allen • April 26, 2024

I'm going to share a little about my garden, in case you are interested and so you might be able to support me in rewilding it and making it more nature friendly. The back garden is mostly lawn. We need to keep it that way as half of it is used for the guinea-pig run, rotating it every few days. This half has currently got lots of lesser celandine, which are good for pollinators. The plant mostly dies off by the time its warm enough for the guinea-pigs to be outside. I have to pull up any remaining plants and anything else that is toxic for them to eat. The other half is wilder and left uncut. A greater variety of plants grow including daisies and ragwort. We keep it as lawn so a tent can be put up for the kids. I also like to put a blanket down and sit on it (once it's drier). Around the edges of the lawn is left fairly wild but we also grow strawberries. The strawberry patch was used by hedgehogs last year to forage for invertebrates, I should think because it was unweeded it provided a lot more for them. Though, I may have to weed it a bit this year to allow the strawberry plants to grow. The front garden was block paved by previous owners. I've got pots growing food and some with flowers. I'd like to increase the amount of food I grow in this area. I use the front garden for this as it has lots of sunshine. I'd also like to increase the plants for pollinators and have bees and butterflies constantly flying from flower to flower. That's me, how about you? What's your garden like? Extract from the Changemaker membership which I run from my Patreon page (there's also a private FB group). We are starting our new focus: Rewilding our gardens and incorporating rest as we move into the, often, busier seasons of spring and summer. It's a form of gentle activism within a supportive community and you're invited! Join for 7 days (it's free!), a month, all spring or more. Any questions? Just ask.