My world is so small!

Sarah Allen • November 3, 2017

How parenthood reduced my entire world.

This article is inspired by the train journey I am on right now. I'm 25 minutes away from Paddington Station; can I express my thoughts to you in this time?

I realised yesterday, that this will be my first weekend away without my children or husband. So the last time I did something like this was over 9 years ago! How can that be? What have I been doing? I haven't been stuck at home all this time. I've been on holidays, visited friends, been on days out, beach walks, camper van adventures etc. But my world has grown so much smaller since the birth of my daughter. I imagined I would be one of those parents, that many of you are, who carry on with adventures, baby strapped safely in a sling, off exploring the world and living life together with their children. I saw one of you today at the train station. You had your 2 year old boy with you, rucksack on your back, your son carrying a backpack with toys for the journey. My pre-parent self would have recognised you "That will be me when I am mother" I would have thought. So the realisation that that isn't me came as a shock. Not a sudden blow but a slow realisation, especially once my second child was born, that the world I could cope with was small, minute in fact, just 'popping' to the nearest city a mere 11 miles away became a massive day out revolving around feeds and nappy changes. So a day's shopping may only have equated to visiting a couple of shops. Slowly, I gave up, I stuck close by to home, venturing to a few nearby places.

Now to look at me, everything was fine. I had loads of friends (mainly new ones I met through antenatal classes or new mum groups). I was out most days, chattering, socialising and appearing happy with my life. To be fair, I did love this unexpected social whirl I was part of and I was grateful for my children but daily life was hard. "Walking through treacle" a friend described it. This was me every day for a long time, possibly years. I thought this was normal. Every parent with small children is tired. I was tired too. Nothing unusual with that. But I was tired all the time on a good day. I felt overwhelmed by the smallest of tasks, every day. I felt unable to cope. Running out of milk was stressful, having to order a birthday present online consumed my mind and felt so difficult to achieve (that makes my head slightly ache thinking of it now as the memory reawakens in me). On a bad day my head hurt (a head ache lasted two days at a time), I felt dizzy and foggy. Friends advised me to go to the doctor. That was too much to deal with, so I didn't go.

Things did get slowly better for me. I am 9 years into parenthood and life isn't how it was. This wasn't a quick shift, as my children grew and started school it didn't all just naturally get better and it wasn't linear. I would be fine for a while and then not so good. Mental health is like that, we get good mental health days and bad mental health days just as our physical health fluctuates. What changed for me was three things. I realised how I was feeling was not OK, I shouldn't be feeling like this all the time. This realisation was due to an honest conversation with a friend (thank you) who suggested I might have been suffering from symptoms of depression. She was worried about my reaction as this is still, wrongly, a taboo thing to say. I recognised in myself what she was saying and this helped me to understand my feelings. She is not a doctor, so this is not a diagnosis but it made me realise things had not been right. I can't be sure what was causing my symptoms, it was probably a complex mix which included stress, anxiety and sleep deprivation along with a depressed mood. For me, it is not exactly important what was wrong it was the realisation that things weren't right and that felt, strangely, like a relief. I now understood this wasn't normal, I didn't have to just tolerate it as a part of parenthood and that things could change. Since that conversation (about 5 years ago) I have done two other things. I have learnt what I can and cannot cope with and I try to be firm and clear with these and so protect my mental health. I notice triggers in myself, by that I mean I can identify when my mood is slipping and I able to (often) do something to stop myself feeling worse. This self-knowledge has been a slow process.

Anyway back to today, my train is now nearing London, I have butterflies in my tummy and I am worried about managing the tube and the onward train. I'm a 41 year old woman who lived in London for 7 years who, in the past, would not think twice about using the Underground. Getting off the train at Paddington, I see the woman with the two year old again. Only now she has 2 large rucksacks on her back with a doll wedged between them. "Blimey, I'm pathetic!", I thought. She turns around and she has a baby strapped to her front. Wow! She was with her partner as well as her children, but still, here I am with sweaty palms, feeling sick with tears starting to prick my eyes! "I can't do this!" I think before taking a few deep breaths and start to turn these nerves into excitement. I am getting my confidence back, I have a spark, a fire in my belly. "Hi London, Sarah's back!!"

Why I am writing this? What am I trying to say? I think I am reaching out to those of you who are struggling. If this is you at the coal-face of parenthood, I am sending you solidarity. I'm saying I know it's hard but it will get better. However, if every day leaves you overwhelmed, if the fog isn't lifting ever, get some help. Talk about it, you don't have to got through this alone. Take up every useful offer of help and ask for help, be specific, your friends do want to help you, they just might not know what to do. See a doctor. If you have a friend with kids, look out for them, find out what specific things you can do to help. If you can see they are overwhelmed, maybe even book them the doctor's appointment.

As for me, I made it through the London Underground. I made it onto my train. Today London, tomorrow the world!

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October Skies

By Sarah Allen • October 23, 2026

We're deep into October now and there has been a shift. Where we were teetering on autumn we are now inside it. The mornings are dark. The natural light no longer waking me as I drag myself out of bed into the cool air of the bedroom, quickly putting on woollen socks and my trusty old dressing gown before padding downstairs to fill the kettle and assemble packed lunches with slumberous eyes. Then, with steaming tea, I sneak back into bed, the darkness all around where just a few weeks before I would stare out the window at the morning sky. This is now not possible as the light is yet to return. Return it does, of course, but much later. I can get as far as the beach now before the sky finally changes and we have a new day once again.

Autumn Beach Vibes

By Sarah Allen • October 2, 2026

Who loves the beach in autumn? Me!! As the days get cooler and the beach empties out, it becomes a very different place, compared to the long summer days of the previous season. I love the emptiness and, even, less light with the need to appreciate the fleeting moments. I've enjoyed picnics on the pebbles of Budleigh Salterton beach, carefully eating my lunch of leftover noodles so they didn't get snatched by a soaring seagull. As well as peaceful moments after busy shifts at Budleigh Unwrapped, a refill shop, just stones throw from the same beach where I've now got some regular work. Pop in to see me on a Wednesday if you're in the area. My local beach, Exmouth, has become the setting for early morning coffees (in my reusable cup) now that regular lifts to the train station have resumed with the start of term. Sitting, coffee in hand, listening to the crashing waves is the way to start a day feeling alive and in awe. I've walked on the sand, spotting oystercatchers feeding at the shore, cormorants on rocks, their wings outstretched drying on the morning breeze and one morning a seal hunting a few metres out. Fish jumped to get out of the way, alerting me to look and, with patience, I spotted a head briefly bob to the surface then later a tail and then seal eyes staring right at me. There's so much joy down on the shore coupled with misery of a pollution incident, followed some days later by a sewage discharge. As sad as it is, for me, I'm glad I'm not one of the many creatures who actually call the sea home. Its not happening just here in Exmouth, take a look at the Safer Seas and Rivers Service app and you'll see how widespread this problem is. The sea brings such joy and is home to so many of our animal kin, it deserves to be respected by humans and not, quite literally, be our dumping ground. If you've been impacted by pollution in the area please consider joining the legal claim against South West Waters, more information on the Leigh Day website . However, it's important to remember that, although these pollution incidents happen far too often, the majority of time the sea is safe to swim in (if you are brave enough to get into the cool waters). I'm a summer swimmer, fair weather and sunshine drawing me into the sea. So, I'm likely to be continuing my autumn beach vibes on the shore keeping cosy with a coffee and starting to layer on the clothing. With this in mind, I've designed an organic jumper with autumn vibes for beach walks, forest walks or just staying cosy as the nights draw in. My first ever jumper design. What do you think?

What can we Learn from the Autumn Equinox?

By Sarah Allen • September 23, 2026

What can we learn from the autumn equinox? Well, for me, it's all about a pause and some balance. As the Earth pauses in this moment of neither more or less light, I find it nourishing to take a moment too. Life will want to keep propelling you forward - or, I should say, the capitalist society. But there's a benefit in the pause, to stop the momentum, to stop the always doing and to reflect a little (or a lot). So, I took some moments today to sit in the early morning light, when the sun was not fully out but it wasn't dark, to do nothing other than sit (and drink coffee). Later on in the day, I dusted off my journal and took a moment to reflect on what I'd achieved, especially in relation to the intentions I set in motion in February, at Imbolc. Some I'd forgotten, others I'd chosen to let go, others I'd achieved. They weren't fully measurable, a life goal or something on a bucket list; just simple intentions like being creative and making decisions based on keeping my nervous system soothed. Writing this down, I found, to be positive. It's easy for me to think I've done nothing, life is still the same as it was but this isn't true. Once again, life has thrown big challenges my way. Things have not all been as I hoped but I'm not in the same place as I was. I wrote down what I am thankful for. Gratitude is often mentioned as a great well-being tool but I mention it with caution ⚠ as, for me, it has sometimes been a trigger to stress and anxiety around what high stakes things (and people) I could lose. Finally, I journaled around what I wanted to cut back. Then I literally went into the garden and cut back the dead wood thinking, to start with of what I wanted to metaphorically let go of, until it become a mindful task of just pruning and being with nature. It was not without it's difficulties, as I got caught in the brambles and also had to decide how much and how far to go. I left plenty of dead wood in the garden, the insects will need it to overwinter. There's only so much pruning you can, or maybe, should do. Some of the dead wood must remain to be composted later. I focused on what was most beneficial to cut back on, what would give the most room for new growth. Though, it now leaves bare patches, once spring comes round it provides room for growth. I also had to trim back some of the new growth that was damaging fences. We are led to believe that growth is the aim, at any cost, which of course is destabilising our planet both the climate and the delicate balance of the web of life . If the collective human species were to pause and focus on balance we could create a very different, regenerative way of being in the world. I invite you to try it and see how it changes things.

Could it be you?

By Sarah Allen • September 8, 2026

Can you help me get the message out about sustainable living?

Now I Know it's Spring

By Sarah Allen • April 28, 2026

The simple joys that are actually sheer magic

A Consciously Slow Start to the Year

By Sarah Allen • January 29, 2026

Snow, Wind, Rain, the Northern Lights, Some Comforting Food and Time To Create

Eco-Friendly Valentine's Day

By Sarah Allen • January 21, 2026

Showing someone you love them shouldn’t cost the Earth! If you want to give traditional cards and gifts, how about considering some of these more sustainable ideas? 1. Valentine’s Card Probably the easiest tip is to make sure the card you buy does not come packaged in plastic film. Shop around if you need to but think about the packaging as well as the sentiment when choosing your card. I have the perfect option to show love both to your special person and our precious planet with my new 'Love Me, Love Our Planet' card . Shipped in sustainable, eco-friendly paper packaging which is rip-proof and splash-proof and designed with the environment in mind. Alternatively, of course, you could make your own card. This is a great option for ensuring the card is more personal and especially good for the environment if you use materials you already have at home.